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You are facing quite a common problem.   Some people cannot work from home because of family demands; family just insists.  They just don't seem to realize it is really a job because you are at home.  Of course, you are referring to study time, but it falls in the same category. 

Had an acquaintance who worked from home, put a note on the door saying she would be available after XX o'clock and to please come back at that time.  She also refused to answer the door or the phone during her work time.  

I have lost potential friends who dropped by the house when I was new to the neighborhood, would visit with them a few minutes and then tell them my break was over and my supervisor was expecting me back at XX o'clock, nice people, would have enjoyed their friendship, but they never came back.  

Another time friends came by and I was working as a transcriptionist and unplugged the head phone from the computer, left it on my head and went to answer the door.  They got the point and only stayed a few minutes.

One time a friend came by for a "brief" visit and after what I thought was brief enough I told her I had to get back to work because the last time I visited with her it went past time and I got my hands slapped for being out so long.  Now when she stops by she really only stays for a "brief" time - she understands.  

I have XX hours set up for study after which I go to work.  When someone wants me to do something I tell them we can talk about it when I get off work, or I'll help you after I get off work after I eat my supper.  Sometimes that works.   But most of the time they don't call back so I figure they got someone else. 

The point is you have to set your parameters and stick to them, even if you make people mad, your mother, your mother-in-law, the PTA, your kids, your friends, and boy is that hard to do.  

Anyway, hang in there, be proactive and your friends will understand and your family should understand. Again, I have an idea we are all facing that situation.  

Donna G

Thank you, Donna.

Was hoping you would say, nobody would be offended and nothing in my life would change, but I guess we cannot have it all. Ha! This is the first time in a very long time, I have put myself above the needs of others. Guess it is going to take some getting use to. 

Thanks for sharing your story with me! Keep on keeping on!

Jill

I have whittled my helping roles down since starting school.  When I first started, I was still president of the PTA and like you, volunteering for almost everything presented.  Now, I am still managing my son's travel soccer team and going into their classrooms here and there, but I have declined any other major roles where I have to "be in charge and/or responsible".

Try to think of it NOT as saying "no" to someone else, but instead as saying "YES!" to you.  "Sorry, my plate is very full right now," is absolutely necessary to say if the commitment is just too much.

You are just as deserving of time and attention as everyone else.  Maybe pick one thing you can still allow time for outside of school and regular family obligations?

Good luck!  "Adulting" is hard :-)

-Nicki

I read once that women especially need to learn to say, "No, because I don't want to."   If you start giving other reasons, you lose.  Not sure how that works with every situation, but I've found it helpful when I've used it.   "I don't want to do that."  

Someone can argue with you if you say, "I don't have time."  "Oh, this will only take a few minutes every other Thursday, so you can do it." 

They can argue with you if you say, "I've got too much on my plate right now."  "Well, just stop something else, because we need you to do this."

"No, because I don't want to do that" is hard to argue with. 

I understand how hard it can be to say no, and how the guilt can eat at you, even if someone is not actively trying to make you feel that way. But by not taking care of yourself and your needs and dreams, you will only exhaust yourself in the end. Somehow, all those holes never get filled up and there's always  "just one more thing" they need. Like you, I struggle with the people pleasing thing, so know you are not alone! 

I think that just by doing something for yourself and by realizing that feeling like you need to please everyone is detrimental you have taken a major step towards finding balance. If others get offended, it's a shame, but they were the ones who imposed. Your needs are just as important as everyone else's.  And while I am in awe of those people who can manage to do so many things, I have to accept that I don't have that kind of organization and energy -- and that's OK. 

Don't let the energy vampires get you down-- good luck, and happy studying!

Thank you to all the ladies that replied to me. I have sabotaged myself more than once with my destructive habit to make others happy while denying myself. I am aware of it, yet still find myself struggling to make the tough decisions of putting my needs in front of others. I was really feeling the guilt of having to say no when I posted on the forum the other day. I am so happy I did. It was so comforting to read your words of strength and encouragement. I will refer back to them when I needed to be reminded. 

Thank you so much! I am truly grateful!